Wobble-Less Wednesday - The not-quite Eating Disorder

Hi lovelies, this is a post I've toyed with writing for a long time, but recently I've felt I'm able to post it.

We are all aware of the most common eating disorders, we see images of anorexic people, hear stories of people who have struggled with bulimia, watch program's about people who are always battling, but what about those who have a not-quite eating disorder.

I struggle with food. I love food, I love eating food, there's not much I don't like. The problem I have with food is that some days it feels I'm in a constant battle with it, I joke that just looking at food adds those pounds to my bottom but its how I've felt for a long time.

I know how to lose weight. Eat less & Move more. It's that simple. I know that when I exercise I can eat what I want. I understand about what I need to put into my body, and how it works. I know I need to fuel it correctly so that I'm able to work out. I love reading fitness magazines, really enjoy being at the gym with my group of fitness friends, feel so comfy in my fitness clothing, yet 2 weeks ago I realised something.

I had only eaten 2 evening meals a week for the last 10 weeks, yet I was burning 800+ calories a night at the gym. All of this was being done on only 600calories a day. Plus, I hadn't lost any weight in months, as at the weekend I would binge on high calorie food choices.

I was scared of eating in the evening after the gym as in my head it would all get turned to fat & stored on my bum. I literally felt sick at the thought of eating, yet I would watch my boy tuck into a plate of food, ignoring the rumble of my own tummy.
I know this isn't healthy, but it was what I did. I know loads of women who do this, avoid food but workout like hell. It's a horrible cycle, starve in the week and binge on the weekend. It's not as severe as the 'mainstream' eating disorders but it is still a problem.

2weeks on I'm re-educating myself on food & exercise. I'm not simply cured, I still have to think about what I eat and remind myself it's ok. Some days I don't want to eat, when I'm having fat days its worse, but I'm moving forward.
I've stopped following weight watchers as it felt like the app punished me if I over ate my points that day, instead I'm using Myfitnesspal to track calories which is much better for me mentally.

Just because your not being sick or stick thin doesn't mean you don't have a problem, I didn't think I did but now I can see I was on a slippery slope. I would love to know what you think on this? Do you think it's possible to have a not quite disorder? What are your experiences? Xx